situationship - reader reply

 dear julia, i was talking to this guy for a few months and it was one of those weird in between things where we weren’t officially dating but we definitely weren’t just friends either, like we talked every day, hung out all the time, and it kind of felt like a relationship without the label, and i think i just assumed it was naturally going to turn into something more; but then he slowly started pulling back, texting less, acting a bit distant, and when i asked about it he was vague and said he had a lot going on, so i tried to be chill about it, but eventually it just fizzled out with no real explanation or closure, and now it’s been a while and i know he wasn’t giving me what i deserved because i spent most of that time confused and overthinking, but i still miss him and it’s honestly embarrassing because it wasn’t even a proper relationship, so why does it still feel like this and how do i stop missing someone who didn’t even treat me that well?

you’re treating this like it was “nothing” because there was no label, but your brain doesn’t care about technicalities, it cares about consistency, and you had a routine with him, you had emotional investment, and you had just enough attention to stay hooked, which is exactly why it’s lingering now, it’s proof that inconsistency works like a charm, it keeps you thinking, replaying, wondering what you did wrong, and that’s way harder to get over than something clean and clear; yeah, you miss him, if you’re honest with yourself, going back wouldn’t suddenly give you clarity, it would just restart the same cycle, and you already know how that ends.

— julia